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Author’s Note: I really intend to prove a point with this piece. I’ll probably end up confusing you.
However, the author is not in any way anti-God.

* * *

I can imagine God lamenting already, “Aaarrrrgh! What have I done to deserve this boy’s ‘attention’ again?”
And this is my sweet reply to Him, “Hey Ol’ Man, You don’t need to slight me at all to get my coveted attention. I’ve got an eternal grudge against You. Just deal with it, huh?”

Giddy is my man. Unfortunately, he’s obsessed with the supernatural. All he ever thinks of is ‘having Super Powers…doing things mere mortals can’t do.’ And I think he’s got a passively active supporter in Kaycee!
So, on that day, when he asked “…why don’t they possess super powers since they’ve got more ‘stuff’ than the normal human?”, I understood him completely. And to be candid, I’m not gonna say I haven’t thought of it too.

As a typical Pastor’s kid (I’m sighing already), I’ve heard phrases like “God’s older, wiser and stronger than anybody else in the world…”, “His name is Arúgbó-ojó (Ancient of days), give Him Praise…”, “God’s bigger than you can ever imagine…” and so on. In fact, gospel artists don’t help matters at all in that regard (I’m seriously tempted to mention names).
Now, let’s kick out the spiritual part of it (it freaks me out, anyway): A being who’s stronger, bigger, older and wiser than other beings has got to have an extra something others don’t have. Isn’t it?
Logically, your answer has to be an “Aye!”
If not, then check this out: He (the man called ‘God’) is up there, sitting on cushion chairs all day, having the best of everything imaginable, and supposedly ordering our tired, old lives around. Yet, one aged book tells me “We are created in His image”?
Say what?
Fuck. That. Shit. I say.
If that’s the truth, why can’t I be richer than Bill Gates and Alinko Dangote joined together, without having to go to school and sit under extremely boring lectures all day…without having to do anything at all but sleeping, eating and playing? Mine is a boring life, sadly.
He (same man called ‘God’) has all the rights in the world to get intoxicated with Praises of people and yet, I can’t do that without having people reminding me of how proud I am and how I will soon experience one imaginary fall.
Does that sound right at all?
Does it look like I’m really created in His over-elevated image?
Fuck. That. Shit. I say again!
Now, if your answer is still not “Aye!”, then you’ve got to be the highest fool (or idiot: which would be better?) of the highest order of the 21st century!
The truth is: In all fury, I vehemently disagree with that notion that says “We are created in His image”!
Simple: We can’t do the things He’s capable of. We can only dream endlessly (and even the sweetest dreams has ends).
And this means: He’s got an edge over us. The old cheat! There’s something in His physiology that is missing in ours.

All my life as a bored Pastor’s kid, all the pictures of God that I’ve ever seen depict Him as a sweet, handsome old man with snow-white beard and a golden staff. At times, when I’m unusually lucky, the picture may show Him to be sitting on clouds as large as the earth itself. There was this particular one that I was unfortunate enough to see (because it reminds me of the reality of Hell fire anytime I remember it). It depicted the artist’s impression of the sitting arrangement on the fabled Judgement Day, with man as tinier than the tiniest ant before the extremely exaggerated towering figure of God, seated on an obviously over-padded throne. What the artist forgot to add to the picture was a pair of old, round, gold-rimmed glasses sitting atop God’s nose.
Whatever, if truly that’s how He looks (as in the pictures), compared to us, then that’s one big hell of a size!
Now, they all tell me that He created the Heavens and the Earth. Don’t bother to ask me who the “they” is. More than once, I’ve come across instances where and when He Himself made this hilarious claim. If I’m to believe this, that would mean He’s way older than the earth, for Him to have created it. And last I checked (thanks to Geologists and GES104), the earth is BILLIONS of years old. You understand what I’m saying? BILLIONS! I mean thousands of millions!
So, for someone who is BILLIONS of years old, why does He always look like a seventy-five years old grandpapa in pictures? That’s my one million kobo question!
Scientifically, if His body ages the same way that a normal human body does, He should be nothing but a fleshy bag of weak bones, with hair growing on all parts of His body by now.
Needless to say, I think there are times He’s as clueless as a baby about what to do that He needs our guidance and directions on how to govern the earth He supposedly created. Or why else do we have to pray to him, almost every second of every wretched day, to tell Him what to do and when to do it?
And yet, He’s got an extra something that we haven’t got!

Agreed. He’s big, powerful, old, smart in measures that we can only dream and think of. However, He still needs our help to be relevant. The fact that we acknowledge Him to be who He claims He is, makes Him what He is. He still needs our help to be fully functional (so to speak) and to be able to retain that title “God”.
Why? You may ask.
(As much as I’m tempted to say “Zed”, I’ll still be polite. I owe my dead grandmum that obligation)
He’s Down with the Syndrome too!
What syndrome? I can imagine you asking me, again and again.
Same Syndrome of course! That of greatness; of excellence. I must grudgingly confess.

To put this in laymen terms that people with brains smaller than mine would understand:
God’s got Down Syndrome!
That explains the abnormally ultra-normal advantage He has over us. You know…bigger, wiser, older, yet looking younger…
And since the unique medical condition is genetic, all our folks with Down Syndrome obviously inherited it from Him.
They are the Real God’s Image. Not us.
We are simply what the English dictionary labels us: BASTARDS!
Now, that’s an issue to worry about, isn’t it?

Look, I know this is crazy. Right?
You’ve probably never thought about this possibility all your life.
A whole God? With Down Syndrome?
You might not even have heard about Down Syndrome before.
(For detailed explanation of what Down Syndrome is, read this piece from the beginning again. But this time, with a critical eye and mindset. I’m not about to start explaining boring medical terms. Leave that to the sets of guys that have been cursed with the job.)
You may probably even think that I’m crazy.
Well…I am. Obviously!
But God’s crazy too, you know.

Now, why do I keep on expecting a seven-branch thunder to strike me dead in Righteous and Divine wrath anytime soon?

P.S.: Okay…okay…okay…!
I get some of you still won’t understand what Down Syndrome means, even after re-reading this piece. Now, don’t y’all think that’s a serious issue (a kind of disability) to look into?

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Regular Human Being: 46 Chromosomes
God and Others (with Down Syndrome): 46 + One more Chromosome.
Result: More Strength; More Wisdom; More Size; Excellent Ageing abilities and so on.
But: They need our help to maximize their potentials.
So: What are you still waiting for? Will you get your lazy, nonchalantly indifferent butt up and running! Get the hell outta here and find sensible ways to make life easier for folks with One more Chromosome!

Support a Child/Person with Down Syndrome today. Contact The Nechamah Foundation through:

Creative Writing Dpt, TNF 20160731_143817

Phone Numbers: 08056854234, 07063582214
Facebook Page: The Nechamah Foundation
Twitter: @thenechamahF
Instagram: @the_nechamah_foundation

*Giddy is a Nechamahian.
*Kaycee is same.

Photo Credit: Google; Down Syndrome Foundation, Nigeria; Nechamah Foundation

6:19am; 4-08-2016


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