Assertiveness and your happiness.
Imagine this, you are in your room preparing for an exam you have the next morning and then your best friend comes in order to gist and chat with you. What do you do?
You get angry and tell him /her to leave.
You tell your best friend to return at a fixed time when you will be free.
You invite him in so that you can please him.
How assertive can you be in this situation? Most of us have found ourselves in this situation one time in our lives and did our responses make us happy?
Assertiveness is about communicating your desires in a clear, truthful,plain and obvious way. On the other hand, happiness is a state of well-being and contentment (joy). For you to be happy when you find yourself in an uncomfortable situation, you need to be assertive. Just like the above example, you preparing for your exam means you want to be happy with your grade when you see your results. You do not want to fail neither do you want to hurt your best friend’s feelings. So what do you do?
I will personally opt for option ‘b’, tell your friend that you are sorry you cannot chat with him/her now because of your exams tomorrow morning and since your friend should care about you; he/she would not want you to fail and would definitely return at the fixed time. That’s all!! Being assertive.
So many people have been unhappy because they could not be assertive to people especially their loved ones and they end up being angry with themselves. We find ourselves in situations where ‘ pleasing people ’ would be detrimental to our lives but we still end up doing it because we feel stating and doing what we want is selfish. However, as Montaigne once said “ give yourself to yourself and lend yourself to others” because there is, clearly no reason you should be a “PEOPLE-PLEASER”. Pleasing people all the days of your life would only make you unhappy and the funny thing is, you cannot even please everyone. When you change the way you dress for a particular person or people, another set of people will tell you they do not like the way you dress. So what will you do? Will you keep changing your dress sense just to make people happy? All you have to do is to be assertive and make sure you are happy with who you are and what you do.
2 basic must- know about assertiveness :
First know what you want and be clear about it.
Say what you want clearly.E.g let’s meet at 5pm is better than saying, how about meeting later if you do not have another engagement. Remember, clearly saying what you want is not being selfish.
Written by Akinlosose Ayomikun Faith