Looking at him with the corner of my eyes, I tightened my fist as I anticipated what he was planning to do. Ever since we got into the room, we’ve been talking about randoms stuffs that didn’t really made sense and it got to a point we both became silent, looking round the room like there was nothing to say; tangible or not. Whenever I wanted to say something to break the silence, I would stop right before I start.
Just what the hell am I doing here? I wondered out loud to myself as I picked up my phone and texted a friend of mine. He was supposed to come with us but something came up and he had to turn back leaving both of us to go ahead of him. That wasn’t the first or second time I’ll be in that room, but something about this time didn’t feel so right. I didn’t struggle much with the keypads of my phone as I asked him if he was still coming. My text was unread for about three minutes while I tapped my feet impatiently waiting for his reply and fortunately for me, he texted back that he was on his way. I dropped the phone and picked up one of the books on the table. I wasn’t really interested in the book I was flipping through, but I knew I had to keep myself busy with something if I wanted to avoid any unneccessary conversation.
“What book is that?” I heard him ask as he stood up.
Oh no-es! I exclaimed inwardly. I wasn’t lucky to avoid stirring a conversation with him that moment. I immediately wished I didnt pick up the book.
“This?” I asked raising the book up. I knew I asked a dumb question and I didn’t expect him to reply. It wasn’t like I was holding two books or something. When he nodded, I looked at the front page of the book and read it out, adjusting my sitting position. “Legislative Business And Proceedings for Students’ Union Legislators.”
I felt stupid when I read the book title out loud. For heaven’s sake, why on earth did I have to pick up that book of all the books that laid helplessly on the table? Why did I pick a book I had no business with? Deep inside of me, I prayed silently for him not to ask me any further question about the book or anything else whatsoever and I also prayed for my friend to come in quickly. It wasn’t like I felt he would do something to me but my thought was somewhat different from what I felt; I mean he was a responsible guy and a close friend of mine, so I expected him to act responsible. But then, this was someone who treated me more than a friend, someone who treated me differently from his female friends and someone who for heaven’s sake asked me out. What was I thinking when I followed him here? Biting my lips hard enough to bleed, I wondered what I was still doing with him alone in the room.
“You this girl!” He exclaimed jokingly. “I hope I haven’t inflicted politics on you. This one that you’re reading that book”.
I smiled. There was actually nothing funny to me in what he said but I smiled because I didn’t want him to notice my unsettled state and I also didn’t want the atmosphere to be tense.
“Politics ke? You didn’t o.” I replied still smiling. “Besides I wasn’t actually reading it, I was just going through it. Is it yours?”
“No.” He replied quickly as he stood up and walked to the table to take a look at the book.“It’s for a friend of mine.”
I knew he was going to use that as an opportunity to get closer but I didn’t expect it to be so fast. Wanting him to go back, I returned the book and gave my phone a long and hard stare but he didn’t move an inch away. Although I didn’t raise my head up to look at him, I knew he was looking at me. I could tell he was looking at me and it made me feel uneasy.
Please, just go back.
“Uhm……did you…….I thought…..I thought you wanted to cook”. I stammered, looking round the room.
Just then, like in slow motion, he knelt down in front of me and stared deeply into my eyes. I didn’t know how deely he stared but I was certain he was staring at me. The fact that I didn’t see that coming made me so shocked that he almost noticed. I had to summon enough courage to look at him straight in the eyes and it was then I realized how easy it was for me to look into his eyes. Bending down in front of me was someone I considered as a mere friend and someone I had no lingering feelings for. Thinking about that made me smile but I was too stupid to realize that my smile sent a wrong message to him. I was so stupid to realize that his thoughts were different from mine.
Just then, he made his advances and brought his face closer to mine. I was stunned and surprised when I figured out what he was about to do but I was able to think fast because I saw that coming. I couldn’t move backwards as the chair I was sitting on was leaning against the wall. When he came so close that I could feel the air he was breathing out, I had no choice than to turn my head to the right, cutting him short. My breathing pace went slower as I turned to look at him when he moved back only to have him try his luck again. Turning my head to my right the second time, he stood up and I didn’t know whether to be relieved or to panic, although I knew for sure that he was definitely not going to try again the third time.
“Why?” He asked holding my hands.
I was relieved he didn’t do anything and at the same time I was surprised he asked me why. Why what? Why I didn’t give in? Or why I was still in that room alone with him? Something deep inside of me told me that the two guys must have planned it but I refused to believe it because I was so close to them enough to know that they were not the type of guys to set their friends up. But no matter how close I was with them, I couldn’t read their minds, I concluded. I didn’t understand why he asked me why but I felt my reply should give him the answer he needed.
“Because I’m not comfortable with it.” I replied freeing my hands from his.
“You are not comfortable with it?” He asked unsure of my reply to his question. “What then was your reply when I asked you out? Didn’t you agree to go out with me?”
The expression I gave him said so before I talked.
“I didn’t agree to go out with you. But wait, you actually interpreted all what I told you as a yes?”
“If not that, then what were you trying to say?”
I blamed myself for not giving him a straight reply when he asked me out. Instead of spelling out a “no”, I started recounting ‘stories for the gods’ expecting him to understand all what I was saying. But then, I had a brief thought that he wasn’t really smart. Anyone who heard all I told him that night would understand what I was trying to say but it was funny how he didn’t.
“Seriously, I don’t understand how you didn’t get it. Let’s be truthful. You know I don’t see you the way you see me. You’re just like a friend to me and nothing more. I don’t have any feelings for you and I’m sure you don’t expect me to go out with someone I don’t love.”
“Why didn’t you come clean then?”
“I didn’t want to tell you in a way that will hurt your feelings.” I replied truthfully. If there was something I really hated, it was seeing people, especially my friends get hurt because of me.
“Really?” He asked sarcarstically and I could see how irritated he sounded.
“I’m sorry.” was all I could say.
Without saying a word, he turned and walked to the electric cooker. “Will you eat before you leave?” He asked and I shook my head.
Turning off the cooker, he walked to his bed and laid on it keeping mute. I was taken aback with his sudden change of character. Normally, he would always persuade me or force me to eat whenever I visited but he didn’t seem to have any reason to persuade or force me to eat even if I would have loved to see him in that mood. Guys, they change easily and quickly once they can’t get what they want, I concluded. Seeing that I had no tangible thing to do after the next few minutes, I picked up my bag and was about to leave when a loud knock sounded on the door.
“Come in!” He shouted after he had been silent for over five minutes.
The door went wide opened as the guy I had been expecting walked in.